Jamie Jane

Dear Casandra, 

I love you like a sister I never had (so I guess I’m going to have settle with ‘sistar’). 

You are beautiful, and passionate.

You embody your right half of your brain. Vibrant, colour. It is the tone of happiness and joy. The creative force of your soul has left a mark on so many people, and is embedded forever in my heart. 

Let your future glow as much as your face looks when you are in love with another person, and infatuated with life. 

Enjoy your 20th birthday. 

Jamie. 

It has not been a few good days for me. I can see it on my face. 

The regret and self loathing really shows up well in the swirls of darkness beneath my eyes. I haven’t felt so defeated with school in al ong time. 

It’s that feeling that the one thing I was always, consistently good at, is now has left me sleep deprived and humiliated. 

It’ll be awhile until I get over this. 

I just have to sit here and wait until I meet my maker. 

sigh. 

Today is the first day of deactivating facebook. 

I needed to log off. I was getting addicted to trying to represent myself on the virtual world, that I was abusing my real self, sitting in front of a screen all day. I’d rather go out be myself. I have places to see, books to read, and time to take to sleep. 

People were texting me trying to figure out what was wrong. Sometimes I just want to ask them why this was such a problem, when they can meet me in person. Converse with me, embrace the real emotions with me, and be physically touched by another human being. Make a real connection, with none of this virtual Bullshit. 

I need time to breathe; time to think.